Day 26

March 30, 2010
‘Why this is hell, nor am I out of it. Think’st thou that I, who saw the face of God and tasted the eternal joy of heaven, am not tormented with ten thousand hells in being deprived of everlasting bliss?’
Christopher Marlowe Dr. Faustus

Well, it WOULD be just a teensy bit drama queeny to claim the above as an accurate description of my Life as a Producer these past 100 minus 24 days, but it shines a ray of truth on my dark interior…
That, though I rejoice to give the work away to the director and actors, to let it have a life of its own, this process of letting go, even ten years on, is, without indulging too many ‘my baby’ metaphors, painful.
And, to have this work, born of a Crow poet’s delirium and a Goose’s outcast cry, to have it performed in the Cathedral I love the best of all Christian places of worship – all this is a blessing and an honour and yet…
And yet, even as I gain a little piece of the world, my pauper’s soul cries out, with Goethe’s Faust:
‘Two souls, alas! are lodg`d within my breast,
Which struggle there for undivided reign:
One to the world, with obstinate desire,
And closely – cleaving organs, still adheres;
Above the mist, the other doth aspire,
With sacred vehemence, to purer spheres.
Oh, are there spirits in the air,
Who float `twixt heaven and earth dominion wielding,
Stoop hither from your golden atmosphere,
Lead me to scenes, new life and fuller yielding!’
The best times are when I lose myself completely in the involvement of others, as at yesterDay 27’s community cast workshop. For the feedback, the topic was: One thing I’ve learned about Southwark’s history. We had some classic answers: ‘Charles Dickens Dad was in the Marshalsea’ and ‘Charlie Chaplin went to Victory School’; ; some more anecdotal oddities ‘Temple of Isis was on South Bank’;  the personal Andy ‘discovered where I live was a former stew’ and Alex ‘my uncle was an underground tunneller’; the practical ‘the first tube train under the Thames went over to near Monument’; to the apocalyptic from Kelfin: ‘At the end of time, Christ will fight Antichrist in Lud’.
My favourite was from Ed, who’d attended the last 23rd vigil at Crossbones: ‘I learned there’s this crazy writer who’s been doing an unbroken monthly vigil for the past 6 years!’

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